One of the unexpected blessings of starting this business is just how differently I view ‘income’ now. After getting my MBA and entering the corporate world, my salary and bonus were things I expected… things I DESERVED, darnit! I EARNED those things. And frankly, they weren’t high enough. I DESERVED more. I was FAR more productive and deserving than Bob, after all… And Susan only got where she got because of office POLITICS. I mean really, who does she think she is fooling???

That sort of mind-set acted like a slow poison. I kept score; I compared; I judged and resented. No amount of largesse filled my cup. I think there were times when my mind and attitude probably resembled Gollum and his Precious– in all his stark ugliness. I was the least grateful when I had the most.

There’s something about hanging over a cliff’s edge, though, that makes me take a lot less for granted now. The view here is great and terrifying. Nobody owes me squat. I’m GRATEFUL for the rope I’ve got. I HOPE I make it. I PRAY constantly, recognizing that I have pretty much zero control over whether or not people want to buy something from me or support this business. This is definitely not the John Wayne, rugged individualist, “I’m going to carve out my place with all guns ablazin’,” kind-of-deal.

A couple of days ago, I got word of a new commission to build a desk. Jennie and I actually celebrated that like a victory. It was (and is) a HUGE deal. And every time someone orders a cutting board, we rush to tell each other about it.  There’s a sort of simple JOY for me now that was lacking before.  My inner-accountant says, “Ok, that should cover the groceries this week. Awesome! That might even cover the mortgage!” Of course, that also means that it might NOT cover the mortgage. So I’m gaining grey hairs by the second, even as I try to rest and trust in the Giver of all good things.

I guess one of my takeaways here is that there’s really something to that whole, “Give us this day our daily bread,” thing. When our illusions/delusions of provision and control are removed, we are better able to live lives of simple dependence. And I’m convinced that’s a better way for me and my family to live.  May I maintain a sense of gratitude, both in times of plenty and in times of hardship.